Why I Believe in Sex Therapy

I (she, her, hers) believe all humans have the capacity to experience joy, pleasure and healthy connection to their sexual identities- however that is defined for them. Sex remains a taboo subject matter, increasing opportunities for feelings of shame, isolation, confusion and miscommunication.  Sex therapy can facilitate conversations with the self, with partners and with our communities about our sexual narratives and what we want and deserve to feel and experience.

Who I help

I strive to provide compassionate care to all people, paying special attention to intersectionality of identity and social oppression.  I hope to provide a safe and validating space through which folks can explore their individual goals and challenges, particularly connected to (but not limited to) sexuality. 

With the socialization we’ve all received being a part of our Western culture, no matter how long you’ve been a part of it, we could all use some support around processing and unpacking messages about sex and sexuality.  It’s often unrecognized how intrusive and oppressive some of our beliefs are because they have been so normalized, you might not even see that they’re there until you bump up against a challenge or difficulty which forces you to face them head on. 

Some key concerns that may bring someone to sex therapy could be but are in no way limited to: low sexual desire, mismatched desire, dissatisfying sex, miscommunication, out of control sexual behavior, infidelity, complicated relational dynamics, challenges with orgasm, delayed ejaculation, erectile difficulties, low self-confidence, body image issues, gender dysphoria, experiences of religious constraints, experiences of trauma, painful sex, and concerns of in some way questioning the “normalcy” of one’s sexual experience or self.

Sex therapy is a window into the whole self. It’s extremely unusual that folks come to sex therapy and we don’t explore them as a whole person- what we’ve lived through, what we’ve learned, what has impacted us, and how we’ve come to be who we are, has affected all parts of us, not just our sexual selves but also not excluding our sexual selves. Common experiences that we explore in conjunction with or even at times in lieu of sexuality are anxiety, depression, grief, substance use, disordered eating, shame and transition.

My Approach

The principles that guide me in my work are Loving Self-Compassion, Mindfulness and Acceptance. I strive to cultivate mindfulness skills (getting in touch with your here and now without judgment or attachment to/of your thoughts), psychological flexibility (willingness and openness towards all experiences/feelings as they come, including difficult ones, knowing this is part of what it means to be human), acceptance (not trying to change thoughts/experiences/feelings as they come but to acknowledge the humanity in them and be willing to make room for them) and values-based action (empowering you to make decisions about what you do based on whether or not it brings you closer to living a rich, full and meaningful life).

I am driven to support folks in learning how to turn the pressure off in sex, to be with experiences, to fully notice sensations and to allow the mind to get out of the way so that the body can engage in the ways it was meant to- naturally. It’s important we not only get out of our own heads with judgements and expectations, but also out of our partners’. Self-responsibility is a major tenant of healthy sexuality and so we work on building a relationship to your own eroticism, your own sexual experience, and then building enough safety with your partner(s) to bring it to them and share it. This makes way for adventure and discovery and can be a completely different felt sense of sex.

With permission, I offer as much information as I can to support folks in identifying deeply held beliefs about themselves and about sexuality that may be getting in the way of a fulfilling experience of sex. We widen the definition of sex in order to value and include all sorts of intimacy and connection, and we center your pleasure above all else.

The world of sexuality is so vast and so I really strive to make room for the breadth of the human imagination and the human experience. I am in no way an expert on your sexuality, nor do I know what’s best for you, but through our work I hope to offer a space in which you can discover things for yourself, better understand your own desires and eroticism, to navigate what holds you back and to build relationships with yourself and others that make room for all of you.